文丨戴陈连

   我出生在浙江绍兴，从小在河边长大，经常和小伙伴在桥头和巷子里穿梭，在桥墩的边上看流水，在晚上听水流的声音，细细潺潺像耳鬓的私语。沿河有石板路，石板之间总是有空隙不太平整，所以只要有人经过都会上下左右颠簸颤动，石板路的另一边都有小黄狗竖起耳朵前倾着身体在那里狂吠，晚上昏昏暗暗，常常下着细雨，还有那些急速远去的脚步声。这些是我的童年，是那些湿漉漉的记忆，记忆像没有被剪辑的素材装进了自己的口袋，等待着和未来一起落入梦中。但我来不及漫长的等待，经常把它们先放入作品中储存起来。

   我曾经的理想是成为一个作家，像鲁迅先生那样。现实的情况却一直更改着理想的方向，由于文化课偏科的原因让我被迫改学了美术，在美术学院的学习过程中非常自闭心情抑郁，有段时间可以整天整夜不睡觉，就发展成了抑郁症。同学劝我去看医生，我当时想的是应该去人多的地方，需要和人聊天讨论。这明显有效果，但还是觉得不够，于是我想到舞台上去，去表演，哪怕只是站立在舞台上。这就是我要找的出口，想克服童年时期的自卑心态，正是这样的原因，我开始了表演。慢慢地感受到了别人的目光和呼吸，感受到将自己身体暴露给在场观众的愉悦感。从小我就发现自己的口腔和别人不同，发音模糊，有的音吐字很不清晰，有的音甚至完全分不清楚。遭到很多同学的笑话，时间久了自卑的这部分情绪影响到整个身体不舒展，被老师点名站起来回答问题，身体也是缩着，还不敢正眼对视。大学毕业之后我才慢慢地找到属于自己的表演语言，思考曾经让自己不愉快的经历，把限制和局限作为最初的起始点，顺着思维的枝蔓去想象推理，以此打开理解世界的一个角度。这让我重新发现自己的身体，如何运动和发声，这个过程经过了很多年的尝试并学习中西表演的语言表达方式才慢慢形成。虽然没成为作家，但我仍然保持着写剧本、诗歌的习惯，它给我平时的表演实践提供一些最初的构思和设想。有时自己写的残章断句会成为一个表演作品的主体结构，还可能是下一个作品的组合灯效和身体位置，写作很多时候是我创作的原始草图。

   写作中的方法我也经常挪用到表演中，身体、灯光这些就是词语和句子，经过设计安排，它们有时指涉的是它们自身，有时是身体、灯光所说的情感和事件，认识到语言可以通往外部，也可以同时通往内部。表演本身就像文字，你可以用来虚构一个美妙动人的故事，可以对一个矿难事件纪实，也可以自己提示自己是一盏灯光、一个错误动作或是一段时间，我的一些作品中将视觉图像前后并置的方法就是来源于这些思考的结果，尝试错误表达，尝试语序的倒错和意义之间的连接，尝试把假设作为事实来虚拟另一个事实，尝试制造伪造和真实之间的悖论，尝试替换动作和数学逻辑的方法等等。这些尝试直接导致的是结果的改变，从而发现了表演反对表演之后的主动性，并且有效地连接了表演自身的次序。

   我是2002年底思考怎么做剧场，去德国驻地学习，2006年才开始处女作《 露露睫毛的八小时检验 》，除了不停地去各种剧院、空间看现场表演和网络影像，同时也发现我们这些艺术家作品只有外销去参加欧美的艺术节，没有国内的平台支持，当时想那就大家一起自助来完成，所以在2008年创办了第一届妈妈拉剧场节，当时是在上海举办的，得到了赵老师（赵川）的帮助持续地做了三届（2008-2010），提出了明确的宣言式的纲领，然后我去了北京，开始做一个人的剧场节，开始思考剧场在当代艺术领域如何提出问题，如何使用剧场媒介在新语境下的置换，并试图提供别样的思考方式。之后我沿用了妈妈拉这个名字，创办了妈妈拉当代艺术中心，以生产当代艺术家及当代艺术作品为核心，我生造了几个不同类型的艺术家，这么做的原因是艺术界是一个浓缩的社会剧场，它模拟了一个艺术生态。周围的环境促使我们在日常生活中进行主动表演，经常无法判断一个人说话的真假，有时转换在一瞬间，有时甚至连转换都不需要，直接进入随时即兴的状态，连角色都不需要设定。一个艺术家他会因为种种因素导致他艺术生涯的中断甚至完全消失，这样的例子很多。有些艺术家作品因为有国际化标准的形式外观和优秀的人脉关系而拥有比较好的市场销售。有些艺术家作品非常独特但却难以收藏，还有一些不是科班出生但生动鲜活的素人艺术家他们的生存之路就更加艰难，这些人组成了这个艺术生态中的一环，我觉得他们有自己的快乐和悲伤，有浓浓的微笑也有微笑下的失落。我想借这种方式去体验他们在其中自我挣扎的深切感受，来搅一搅这个局，想让它变得好玩有趣一些。同时它是一个能量交换中心，线上创作的空间，艺术与大众相遇的场所。推广其他艺术家的作品，尤其是年青艺术家。定期举办学术性的展览及丰富的公共项目，致力于持续性地推动中国当代艺术的发展、促进国际交流。

   我在那个时期推出了美术馆剧场、画廊剧场、家庭剧场、架上剧场、讲座剧场、文档剧场等在内的多个项目，努力拓宽其疆域的划分与思维的桎梏，因为受文学的影响，我的作品主要关注的还是人。 像家庭剧场计划就是以私人的视角去切入创作，以一种“真实剧场”的写作方式去展示，说的都是个人的情感，可以称之为作者剧场。用真实的材料和疯狂的想象混杂在一起如同纪录片，例如《一江春水向东流》，以艺术家杨勋、杨建、闫冰等身边的朋友为创作对象，把他们的故事经过自己的解读搬上剧场。比如艺术家闫冰，他从遥远的西北农村，一腔热血凭自己的刻苦努力来到了中央美术学院这样的高等学府学习，毕业后成了艺术家继续在这个行业里打拼，现在他每次回到家乡时其实和那里的人都不知说什么了，又远又近的感觉。但有些从农村到城里打工、做生意的年轻人回家可能没什么不同，但对于很多在大城市求学的人来说家乡已经成了空中楼阁。”最近疫情期间正在推出的是《蓝田日暖玉生烟》系列，用虚拟访问的方式做家庭表演，跟电视剧一样很多集。像文档剧场计划中有个作品，甚至是没有观众的表演，对着几个水壶向它们讲述自己的爱情，形成有意识的自我观看，我认为就已经构成剧场，例如《 和世界谈一谈我那动人的爱情 》。也有画廊剧场计划，表演与展览相结合的创作方式，例如在A+亚洲当代艺术空间的个展《 海上明月共潮生》。是把画廊团队当作创作对象，为其定制的展览，讲述一个台湾画廊如何漂洋过海来到上海开画廊的故事。在展览的开幕表演上，我尝试了指令性表演：把不被允许的台词说出来、把错误的跑动提前告诉观众。

   当我面对条件局限的时候，经常把局限当作素材来使用，我会努力使用各种材料去尝试，始终把自己放置于一个十字路口，这样就没有一个特别稳定行进的方向，也正是因为把自己放在这样的位置上，最后的结果才显现出很多的可能。

   我从学生时代以来都是通过表演解决自身的各种问题， 早期是治疗自己的心理问题，慢慢调整个人和世界的角度，减少自己由于生理及心理上所带来的深度自卑感， 然后将行动中遇到的困难和局限重新利用渐渐形成作品的方法， 我们都害怕错误与局限，害怕语言的错误身体的错误，比如打灯光的节奏可以不是为了渲染现场的气氛，可以没有起承转合，没有节奏，也可以没有灯光组合所制造出来的演出高潮。我从错误中展开自己的艺术实践，记录和重复每一种错误，使语言叠加语言，我将所有的剧场要素—— 故事、行动、音响、灯光、构成、姿势等打碎成最小的构成单位，直接呈现思想的状态、过程和行动，让空间构造、光线、口述录音、影像、皮影表演、朗诵、器乐、舞蹈等语言手段组成一种复合交互作用体，我将小人物的平凡故事、新闻事件等场景都挪到作品当中，展开对于世界的叙述和想象，记录这个社会转型时代之中被遮蔽的情感和事件，还有普通人所要承受的代价和命运发生的改变。

在任何时候表演对我来说它就是我的武器和自我治疗的药物，在经历了初恋的苦痛，婚姻的失败，朋友、老师的讥笑之后慢慢感觉到唯一不变的是原来的那份情感，很多时候表演就像是给我的礼物，它给我许多善良热情的朋友，它陪我度过那些艰难困苦的时光，它让我去世界的很多角落旅行，它让我在人群中慢慢克服自卑。这些都是表演所带给我的东西，它已然成为我生活的一部分。

Hearing the first sound of applause, I have infinite feeling

I was born in shaoxing, zhejiang province, grew up by the river, often with friends in the bridge and the alley, on the side of the bridge pier to see water, in the evening to hear the sound of water, fine murmuring like ears temples whisper. There were stone paths along the river, and there was always a gap between them that was not quite smooth, so anyone who passed by would bump up and down from side by side, on the other side of the road there were a yellow dog ears pricked up and forward the body where bark, and it was dark at night ,it was often drizzling with the sound of footsteps rushing away.These are my childhood, those wet memories, memories like unedited material into myself pockets, and waiting to fall into a dream with the future.But I didn’t have time to wait long enough to store them in my work .

My dream was to be a writer , like Mr.Lu Xun. The reality has changed the direction of the ideal, because of the reason of the the partial courses of culture.I was forced to learn art, in the Academy of Fine Arts learning process is very self-closing depression, there was a time can not sleep all day and all night long, on developing into depression.Classmates advised me to go to see a doctor, I thought at that time is should go a crowed place, need to chat with people.It obviously worked,but it wasn’t enough.so I thought of the stage to perform, even if it's just stand on the stage that is I'm looking for the exit, to overcome inferiority in childhood, and it was for the reason that I began to perform.Slowly feel the other people's eyes and breathing, to feel his body exposed to the audience's pleasure.From my early age,I found my mouth and others are different, enunciation and pronunciation, some words sound is not very clear, some even completely points not clear. By a lot of students Joke,a long time inferiority complex this part of the emotional impact of the whole body is not stretch, was the teacher roll call to stand up to answer the question, the body is also shrinking, but also dare not look at.After graduating from college,I slowly found my own acting language, thinking about the experience that had made me unhappy,using restrictions and limitations as the initial starting point, and following the branches of my mind to imagine reasoning,to open up a perspective on the world.This allowed me to rediscover how my body moved and made sounds, a process that took many years of trying and learning the language of Chinese and Western acting. Although I didn't become a writer, I still kept the habit of writing plays and poems, which provided me with some initial ideas and ideas for my usual acting practice. Sometimes the fragments I write become the main structure of a performance piece, or the combined light effect and body position of the next piece, and many times I write the original sketch.

The way I write is also often used in acting. The body, the light, these are the words and the sentences, and by design they sometimes refer to themselves, sometimes it is the emotions and events expressed by the body and the light ,recognize that language can lead to the outside as well as the inside. Acting itself is like writing. You can use it to make up a beautiful story, to document a mining accident, to remind yourself that you are a light, a wrong action, or a period of time. In some of my works, the juxtaposition of visual images before and after comes from these thoughts,trying to misrepresent, trying to dislocate word order and connect meaning, trying to make an assumption as a fact out of another fact, try to create a paradox between forgery and reality, try to replace the method of action and mathematical logic and so on. These attempts lead directly to a change in the result, thus finding the initiative after the performance against the performance, and effectively connecting the order of the performance itself.

I was thinking about how to make theater at the end of 2002, went to study in Germany ,and made my debut 2006,”the eight-hour test of eyelash inspection”,in addition to constantly going to various theaters , space to see live performances and online video.we also found that these artists’works only export to Europe and the United States of the art festival, without domestic platform support.At that time ,we thought that we would all help ourselves together, so in 2008 ,we founded the first MAMALA theatre festival, it was held in Shanghai.with the help of teacher Zhao(Zhao Chuan)，I continued to do it for three years (2008-2010),and put forward a clear manifesto style program. Then I went to Beijing, began to think about how the theater in the field of contemporary art questions, how to use theater media in the new context of displacement, and try to provide a different way of thinking. After that, I took the name MAMALA and founded MAMALA Contemporary Art Center, which focuses on the production of contemporary artists and works of contemporary art. I produced several different types of artists, the reason for this is that the art world is a condensed social theatre that mimics an art ecology. The environment encourages us to act out in our daily lives, often unable to judge whether a person is telling the truth or not, sometimes switching in a split second, sometimes even without switching at all, and going straight into an impromptu state, you don't even need a character. There are many cases in which an artist's career can be disrupted or even eliminated due to a variety of factors. Some artists have a good market for their work because of their international standard appearance and excellent connections. Some of the artists whose work is unique but difficult to collect, and some of the artists who are not classically born but are alive and well, are even more difficult to survive. They form part of this art ecology, i think they have their own happiness and sadness, there is a strong smile and smile under the loss. I wanted to stir the pot, to make it fun, to experience the depth of their struggle. At the same time it is an energy exchange center, an online creative space, a place where art meets the masses. Promote the work of other artists, especially young ones. Regular academic exhibitions and a wide range of public projects are organized to promote the development of Chinese contemporary art and International Exchange.

During that period, I tried to broaden the boundaries and the constraints of my thinking by launching projects such as Museum Theatre, Gallery Theatre, Family Theatre, Painting Theatre, Lecture Theatre, and Document Theatre, because of the influence of literature, my work mainly focuses on people. The Family Theater project, for example, is about creating from a personal point of view and presenting it in a "Real Theater" style of writing that speaks to personal emotions and can be called an author's theater. With real materials and crazy imagination mixed together like a documentary, such as The Spring River Flows East, the artist Yang Xun, Yang Jian, Yan Bing and other close friends as the object of creation, to put their stories into the theater. For example, the artist Yan Bing, who came from the remote northwest countryside with his own hard work to study at an institution of higher learning like the China Central Academy of Fine Arts, went on to work as an artist after graduation, now every time he returned to his hometown, he actually did not know what to say to the people there, the feeling of being far and near. But some young people who go from the countryside to the cities to work and do business may come home no different, but for many people studying in big cities, their hometown has become a castle in the air.during the recent novel coronavirus , I was putting out a series called "VISIT" ,which uses virtual interviews to perform family shows, just as there are many episodes of TV series. There's a piece in the document theatre project, even a performance without an audience, that tells them about their love in front of a few water jugs, forming a conscious self watching, which I think already constitutes a theatre, such as “talk to the world about my beautiful love”. There are also gallery theatre projects that combine performance with exhibition, such as the Solo Exhibition "the Moon Rises on the sea" at a + Asian contemporary art space. It is a custom-made exhibition for the Gallery Team that tells the story of how a gallery in Taiwan came across the sea to open a gallery in Shanghai. At the opening of the show, I tried command acting: saying lines that weren't allowed, telling the audience in advance the wrong run.

When I am faced with limitations, I often use limitations as material, I try to use all kinds of materials to try, and always put myself at a crossroads, so that there is no particularly stable direction of travel, it is precisely because put yourself in such a position, the final result just shows a lot of possibilities.

I have been solving my problems through acting since I was a student. In my early years, I treated my psychological problems, slowly adjusted my personal and world perspective, and reduced my deep sense of inferiority, both physical and psychological, we are all afraid of mistakes and limitations. We are afraid of the wrong body and wrong language. For example, the rhythm of lighting may not be used to render the atmosphere of the scene, there can be no up-and-down, no rhythm, and there can be no combination of lights to create the climax of the show. I spread out my artistic practice from mistakes, record and repeat each kind of mistake, make the language superimpose the language, I break all the theater elements into the smallest constituent units, such as story, action, sound, light, composition, posture, etc.it directly presents the state, process and action of thought, and makes the space structure, light, oral recording, video, shadow show, recitation, instrumental music, dance and other linguistic means form a compound interactive body, i moved the ordinary stories of the little people, news events and other scenes into my works to expand my narration and imagination of the world and record the hidden emotions and events in this social transformation era, And the costs and changes in the destinies of ordinary people.

Acting for me at any time is my weapon and self-medicating drug. After the pain of First Love, the failure of my marriage, the sneers of my friends and teachers, I gradually feel that the only constant is the original emotion, a lot of times acting is like a gift to me, it gives me many kind and warm friends, it helps me through the hard times, it makes me travel to many corners of the world, it makes me overcome my inferiority complex slowly in the crowd. This is what acting has given me, and it has become a part of my life.